Category Archives: abuse

God-Esteem and the Pride of Humility

“ For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” (Romans 12:3)

“Don’t think too highly of yourself. The bible says so. ” We’ve probably heard that on someone’s lips at some point. It’s true, to an extent. Pride is a sin and humility is a virtue.  But that’s not the whole picture here.  For starters,  we can find ourselves guilty of  thinking very highly of ourselves for thinking very lowly of ourselves.

We can say “don’t think too highly of yourself” to someone who actually is giving us a measured, calm, thoughtful, honest and fair evaluation of their abilities, per the meaning sober. Often times, the person saying it is, probably unconsciously, taking the person “thinking too highly of themselves” down a peg in order to better position themselves. In other words, often, the accusers are themselves in their hearts guilty of their own charge against the accused.

Abusers and folks with low self-esteem miss that it is perfectly scriptural to make a prejudice-free, discerning evaluation of one’s abilities, as this is what “sober judgment” means.  It does not mean “beat yourself up, be down on yourself, and allow others to brow beat you.”

Rather it means tell the honest truth about yourself without embellishment and without thinking your skills, knowledge, and abilities make you better than others, incapable of error, and especially not deserving of special privileges.  In addition, we are also reminded to do our evaluation of ourselves through the eyes of faith, by implication, to see ourselves as God does. Lord knows we have faults and failings, but he also sees what he is making us and who we are in him.

Thus this scripture is absolutely no excuse for being more negative and critical about ourselves and thinking more lowly of ourselves than we ought to think, compared to what God Almighty has said about us, either.

Lord, grant us discernment to fairly evaluate ourselves. Open our eyes to see ourselves as you see us. Deliver us from any pride and overly lofty opinion, but also from any negative evaluation where we are being harsher on ourselves than you. Grant us enough humility to accept by faith the grace and forgiveness and righteousness you give give us. Deliver us from the fear that keeps us from making an unprejudiced, thoughtful evaluation of ourselves as we are commanded in the scriptures. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.

Studying Father God’s Parenting Example

“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.” (Psalm 103:13)

Sadly, some of us can’t relate to this verse. Our fathers weren’t compassionate, and we certainly didn’t associate the fear our fathers produced leading to him being gentle, kind, and loving toward us.

Verses six through twelve give us insight into what this creature called a compassionate father is supposed to be like, however. Elsewhere we learn God’s people are also the bride of his son, and the son does what he sees his father doing, hence all of this applies to husband-wife relationship, too.

  • The Compassionate Father does what is right himself and does not use his power to crush or heavily burden his wife and children. Rather he  seeks to brings justice to all persons who are being treated unfairly, including all the members of his own family as well as any others within his reach.
  • He is clear to his wife and children about how he will behave and, by implication, what he expects of them. We also know from the scriptures that God is consistent and does what he says he will do.
  • He shows mercy and forgiveness, is patient, does not easily anger, but has plenty of love and expresses it freely and consistently.
  • He is not constantly scolding and yelling at his wife and children, nor is he always angry at them.
  • Once a child has been restored from a wrong, he no longer holds the past failing against his child. Likewise, he does not factor his wife’s previous errors into his future decisions, it is never mentioned again, full trust is restored. He loves his wife and children just as much when they have failed and done wrong as he did when they had not and hence does not withhold his love as a punishment.

Our verse today then also tells us a healthy father sees when his  children are sorry for their misdoings or otherwise in distress and feels their pain and hurt in himself and is moved to reach out and comfort and restore the child. For those of you who can consider this a “duh” rather than an amazing revelation of scripture, god bless you, and pray for us whose fathers were not consistent, compassionate, or forgiving  in their responses to us, that the truth of God’s word would become real in our wounded hearts.

Most all of us can gulp and tremble at this standard. Father God’s example is also a good model for mothers, wives, and leaders in general, and we all fall short of God’s glory and perfection. Let us accept his offer of a clean slate and a fresh start ourselves and seek power from above to be more like him in our dealings with our neighbors and all those who might be in our care or charge.

One Father Always Gives Good Gifts

“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:13)

Jesus asks us in the preceding verses which of us would deliberately give their child something harmful and poisonous when their child asks their parent to meet a basic need the child has to sustain life.

Sadly, in our day, we can imagine, if not understand, people who would deliberately and knowingly kill their own child. The fact still remains, all but the heartless sociopath and the selfish narcissist at least have a desire to care for and meet their child’s needs  and give them good things, even if they don’t know how, or if what they thought would be best for the child turns out to be tragically wrong. Most of us, last I checked, would sacrifice of ourselves and our own needs to provide for our children all we at least think they need and, often, to provide them better than what we had even.

Jesus assures us, if broken, imperfect human beings prone to selfishness usually have such a strong parenting instinct, we need not fear how our flawless, perfect Father in Heaven will respond to our requests. His love moves him much more. We can rest assured his love will give us the holy spirit to nourish our souls and make us all we can and were made to be, not to poison our hearts and kill us inside. So lets not be afraid to let him work on us and transform us to be more like him.

Lord, we are choosing to trust you today.  We are asking for whatever we need today. Give us please our daily bread from your holy spirit. Nourish us as you see fit. Raise us up to be the people you made us to be. Teach us to love others just a tiny bit more like you love them today. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.

Jesus is Coming Back, But Not Today

A guest post by Adam Graham

Many will gloat today, thanks to those who proclaimed Christ’s return today only for it not to happen. Their words come to us in scripture:

knowing this first: that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts and saying, “Where is the promise of His coming? For since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.”-2 Peters 3:3,4 (KJ21)

Scripture disallows predicting Christ’s return.  The Lord tells us that “No man knows the day or the hour.” (Matthew 24:36). Peter echoes Christ’s words, saying, “the day of the Lord will come as a thief in a night.” (2 Peter 3:10). A thief, of course, comes suddenly and unexpectedly. They don’t put up billboards and they don’t tell other people to put up billboards.

Rather, the people who predicted Christ would return today (May 21, 2011) were false prophets. In 2 Peter 2:1, Peter warned, “But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you.” And stated that because of these false prophets, “the way of truth shall be evilly spoken of.” This particular type of false prophet follows right in line with Christ’s warnings in Matthew 24:23-27 (KJ21):

Then if any man shall say unto you, `Lo, here is Christ,’ or `there,’ believe it not. For there shall arise false christs and false prophets and shall show great signs and wonders, insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect. Behold, I have told you before.

Therefore, if they shall say unto you, `Behold, He is in the desert!’ go not forth; or `Behold, He is in the secret chambers!’ believe it not. For as the lightning cometh out of the east and shineth even unto the west, so shall also the coming of the Son of Man be.

So, we should not be astounded that people falsely predict the date Christ’s return. Christ knew about this sort of nonsense while he was on Earth.

A little know secret, if one only follows popular media and culture, is that Christians have a lot of debate about the end times. Will there be a literal millennium? Will Christians have to suffer through the tribulation before Christ returns, or will he catch us away ahead of the tribulation or at some point in the middle? Will the tribulation be 3 1/2 years or seven years? Did any of the relevant end times prophesies have their final fulfillment in Nero and the destruction of the temple clear back in 70 AD? None of these questions have been settled definitely, nor can they be until the final chapter of His Story is written and Christ returns.

The scriptures used to support any particular set of answers to these question is endued with possible double meanings, dream imagery, and vagueness that it is often misquoted and taken out of context.  Though some of the potential answers seem more likely to me than others, I’ve given up on trying to discern a timeline. Still, I agree with the generations-old testimony of many Christians, “Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again.”

The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some men count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9 (ESV)

Christ will come again, but he’ll come on his time line, not ours. And he told us to “occupy until I come” not to “occupy with my coming.”

But what exactly does the coming of Christ mean? I’ve long struggled with that. When I was a childish little boy, I was angry with older people for their exuberance and hope that Christ would soon return. I considered it was selfish of them to want my life on Earth to end before I’d even gotten started.

When I grew into a young man, I noticed that some Christians in the post-trib, mid-trib, and the  pre-trib rapture camps use the eminent return of Christ as an excuse to let the world go to pot.  For too many, the return of Christ has become an exercise in  escapism from our responsibilities here on Earth.

At thirty, I’ve come to understand that, while there are selfish reasons to hope for Christ’s return, and there are lazy or cowardly to hope for Christ’s return, there are also some very good reasons to hope for Christ’s return.

First is the idea of being reunited physically with Christ, with the one who  first loved us. To be physically in the presence of the Lord is an awesome thought.

When we look upon this world, suffering and evil are  all around us. Abortion, child abuse, drug abuse, human trafficking, war, poverty, and hatred run rampant across the globe, leaving countless victims in their wake.  This has been brought home to me in the trial of the alleged murderer of Robert Manwill, a local eight-year old here in Boise, Idaho who died of horrific abuse. For the Robert Manwills of the world,  for the abused and oppressed across the face of the Earth,  Christ’s return will bring peace and deliverance.

We should do what we can to address these problems, but our solutions are rarely adequate. Often, good-intentioned efforts end up creating a whole new set of problems. In Christ’s reign, we will realize our long-held dreams of peace and brotherhood. The more I see of our world’s problems, the more I believe earnestly in the prayer, “Thy Kingdom come.”

Adam Graham is the author of the comedic superhero novel Tales of the Dim Knight from Splashdown Books. He writes for Pajamasmedia.com, laserandsword.com, and hosts the Great Detectives of Old Time Radio podcast. He lives with his wife and writing partner, Andrea Graham, and their cat Joybell in Boise, Idaho.

Heaven’s Wisdom Versus the Serpent’s Wisdom

“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” (James 3:17-18)

The immediate context includes verses 13-16, which tell us, if I understand them correctly:

  • Quietly let your wisdom and understanding be evident in how you conduct yourself, enduring injury with patience and without resentment (Thank you m-w.com.)
  • Do not boast of being such while deceitfully hiding in your heart an attitude of hostility toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage and ambitions that put yourself first and further your own personal gain at the expense of others.
  • It is the world and Satan/demons that tells us that is wise, not God.
  • The presence of hostility toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage and ambitions that put yourself first and further your own personal gain at the expense of others in a group leads to disruption and immoral actions of all sorts.

Our verse of the day tells us, instead of walking in the wisdom of the world and getting caught up in the strife this dog-eat-dog me-first attitude brings, we should seek, by God’s grace, to act wisely as he defines it:  being free from moral fault or guilt (not sinning, but doing what we know is right), not being contentious or quarrelsome,  speaking softly, not harshly, being willing  to hear an explanation, showing mercy and the other fruits of the spirit, avoiding playing favorites by treating everyone the same, and being genuine and honest all at the same time.

For such wise efforts at making peace, we are promised we shall peacefully increase in righteousness. This may be an inference to how often spiritual growth comes instead through trial and hardship.

One thing in particular stands out to me about this list. It is not often that I find both a commitment to purity and speaking sincerely and the rest of the items on the list in the same person; the old struggle to balance truth and love again. Yet James considers purity and sincerity the bookends to qualities that purity and sincerity are often sacrificed in the name of, upping the ante and issuing a challenge to all of us.

Lord, we are glad this is wisdom that comes from you, because we are weak and that is a tall order we cannot rise to in our own flesh. Strengthen us to walk in your spirit and keep a proper balance. Show us today where we are weakest and any practical steps you would have us take to grow–and grant us by your grace  the courage, strength,  and will to follow through. Remind us and reveal to us what your priorities are for us this day and let us strive for the goal you have for us, for your glory and the edification of your people. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.

 

Easter Basics: Facing the Cross of Christ.

“He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.” (1 Peter 2:24)

In context, if I understand correctly, Peter tells us in verses 13-25:

  • Obey the local, state, and federal government, and the leadership of any other institution you may belong to, attend, work for, or serve under.
  • This is God’s will because it silences the historical objection to Christians’ assertion that Jesus is Lord. Based on the the Emperor of Rome’s assertion that he is Lord, non-Christians of the day felt to be a Christian was to be a treasonous lawbreaker. Obeying the secular law silences that argument and any similar modern criticisms. (Interestingly, the apostles  did defy any civil regulation deliberately designed to hinder their god-given call to spread of the gospel.)
  • Obey God as Lord also. We are free in Christ, but must not use our freedom from sin to sin.
  • Respect everyone, believer or not, and love all Christians.
  • Employees, respect and obey your employers even if your employers treat you unfairly.
  • Do this because you only spiritually benefit and please God if you are punished unfairly or otherwise suffer unjustly.
  • We are called to suffer for Christ because he suffered for us; i.e. being his disciple requires we take up the cross and follow him.
  • Seek to follow also his example of not sinning or deceiving others, not returning verbal abuse with verbal abuse or threatening others, but trusting God to judge justly.
  • It is possible for us to die to sin like this and become righteous because he bore our sins on the cross and suffered the penalty in his own body. By his wounds, we have been cured of our straying and have been returned to proper relationship with God, like sheep with our shepherd.

Lord, we thank you for your word. We thank you for freeing us from the bondage of sin and death and the lies of the evil one. Strengthen us in our resolve not to sin against you, give us quiet, gentle spirits that respect all people and honor civil authorities, our employers, etc. even when the unbelievers are not treating us fairly in return.  Grant us also the strength and wisdom to resist the temptation to enable sinful, unjust behavior  in Christian leaders, but hold them to account for blaspheming you by their actions. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.

Unlike Some Fathers, God Loves Unconditionally

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

As we observed yesterday, Paul is long winded, so for the full scope of what he is saying, we need to read chapters seven and eight of Romans in one sitting, or at least 8:26-39. Today’s verses are merely finishing the thoughts from yesterday’s verses. But today lets focus on the traditional emphasis and primary thought rather than the backdrop of suffering that we examined yesterday. If you come from a loving Christian home with a father who perfectly exemplified the love of God, then the full power of this passage goes right by you, since your heart takes it for granted that God, like your human father, will love you no matter what.

For the rest of us, we can’t recite this to our hearts often enough. Often in this world even small petty things can separate us from someone’s love. People judge by outward appearances and from limited, incomplete knowledge. And those of us from emotionally abusive backgrounds* often allow others to define who we are, letting every criticism sink deep into our psyche. We let others with their words and deeds tell us we’re not good enough. And Satan comes along and whisperers in our ears, if this sinner cannot love someone as filthy and flawed as we are, however could a holy God love us? So we hide in shame and separate from Him.

Next time quote this passage to the enemy. God’s ways are not Man’s ways. His ways are higher. Nothing can separate us from God’s love, least of all the judgments of  others he created. Sin separates us from God, but not from his love, and the cross stands ready to reconcile us. We must not forget that context of the promise given here. Get it under the blood, turn from your wicked way, and return to the Father watching down the road, ready to run to you with open arms. Come to Him, weary one, He will give you rest. Let Him tell you today who you are.

God, strengthen our boundaries today, so we will allow you alone to define who we are and stand firm in what you have said about us. We pray we would be sure of your promises to us and confident in your love. Forgive us our trespasses and grant us forgiving hearts free of bitterness today. Cleanse us, Lord, and keep our eyes on you. Let us not forget Gethsemane or Golgotha. Remind us of who you are–remind us of who you created us to be. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.

*This includes loving homes where our parents were abused as children and have simply passed down their own dysfunctional attitudes to us.