Category Archives: Abuse

Is Christianity “All About Relationship?”

Posted on December 6, 2011 by Andrea Graham| Comments Off

“I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.” (John 10:14-15)
How close do you suppose the Father and the Son are? How well do they know each other? That is how well Christ knows his sheep and how well he desires us to know him.  His chief end is indeed an intimate, close relationship with us. Trouble is, so often, professing Christians don’t know him well enough to understand what a good relationship between us and God looks like to him. We don’t read his word carefully to discover where his boundaries are and what his expectations for his relationship with us are. Instead of trusting the Good Shepherd and responding to his sacrificial, loving care with submission in return, we listen to wolves in sheep’s clothing who tell us whatever we want to hear is acceptable to God. We follow after them and stray from the Good Shepherd, who was perfectly obedient to his Father’s will.

But His sheep know his voice, we know his character. We read his word, we know what his values are and how he says he designed us, what he says  he made us to be. Many of us have had false shepherds, people in our lives who devour their flocks and warp our minds, some even use scripture.

The good shepherd keeps his own in his hands.He lays his life down for the sheep. He will protect us from predators in sheep’s clothing and from the unseen predators in the shadows and he will heal the sickness of the flesh known as sin. Let us trustingly submit to the Good Shepherd’s care today. If he places his little lambs into our care, let us imitate our Good Shepherd in relation to them.

Lord, grant all of us reading this ears to hear your voice, and discerning hearts that know you and what is of you and what is not of you. Heal our  hearts and minds and spirits of the ravages of sin and wolves who seek to steal your sheep and devour us. Reveal your truth to us and strengthen us to walk in the light. In Jesus’ name we pray, Lord, amen.

Posted in Abuse, Bible and Theology, God's Character, Prayer and Devotions, Sin and Holiness

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Don’t Think So Lowly Of Yourself!

Posted on September 30, 2011 by Andrea Graham| Comments Off

Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”  Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you. (1 Peter 5:5b-6)

I know what some of you are thinking: the title and this verse don’t match. Points to you for paying attention. Others I’m sure got only as far as the title before they stopped there, thinking, “Wait, that’s backwards, the bible tells us not to think too highly of ourselves.”

Yes, it does, but if you’re mentally correcting me,  you’re likely not afflicted with arrogance in reality and likely in no need of a lesson on humility. Our focus today is the part about the humble being exalted by God at the proper time.

Thing is, too many of us haven’t been taught humility right. We’ve been told to get our faces down on the floor and keep them there by abusers who misuse the bible to keep us “in our place,” which is in their control and serving them rather than God. Abusers trained us to equate being humble with thinking lowly of ourselves. So the proper time comes, and  God sends someone to come to us and lift us up as he promised, we rebel against His will and reject him.

Maybe we don’t out right rebuke the vessel of his grace, but we usually do politely ignore the person “tempting me to sinful pride” or we subtly reject God with an audaciously hypocritical, “thank the Lord.” We may claim we’re only instructing a misguided person to give credit where credit is due. In reality, we’re not the Lord and can’t know for sure that they haven’t offered him thanks, too. So we have no business saying something so rude and judgmental. That answer springs from spiritual arrogance, not humility.

The true humble answer to gratitude and/or praise is a sincere “You’re welcome” or “Thank you.” After the simple courtesy, if the person isn’t a believer, by all means, take the opportunity to tell them about the hope within you, if God leads.

On the flip side, while pride leads to a fall, thinking lowly of ourselves follows being already fallen and keeps us unable to get up because we think we can’t.

We tell ourselves we’re losers. We tell ourselves we can’t win. We can’t lose weight. We can’t stop getting drunk all of the time. We can’t resist the temptation to sin sexually. We can’t control our tempers. We can’t, we can’t, we can’t.

Brothers and sisters, whatever weakness we are struggling with today, telling ourselves we can’t overcome it, God is holding out his hand to us, and saying  to stop thinking so lowly of ourselves. Confess your weakness to God, accept the affirmation and encouragement he offers, and let him exalt you from the low position of guilty sinner to the saint on high that you are in Christ by grace.

Lord, forgive us for thinking too lowly of ourselves. Help us to stop seeing ourselves through the darkness of the failures, flaws, and mistakes of the past and present. Help us to focus on the good work you are doing in us and to believe that is who we truly are and who we can become with your spirit of power, love, and self control/sound mind in us. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

 

Posted in Abuse, Addictions, God's promises, Grace, Prayer and Devotions, Sin and Holiness

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Does the Bible Advocate Mind Control/Group Think?

Posted on September 14, 2011 by Andrea Graham| Comments Off

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.” (Philippians 2:1-2)

Paul writes these words from prison, where he is facing the possibility of being executed for treason due to his preaching that Jesus Christ is Lord, not Caesar, who claims deity and demands to be worshiped. Paul first seeks to reassure the Philippians that God is using his imprisonment to advance the gospel, and that he rejoices at this even if others are preaching it out of rivalry with him. He also reassures them of his own predicament, saying he is prepared to die and gain Heaven, but is expecting deliverance to continue his ministry on Earth.

Now he turns to how they can encourage and comfort him (likely answering a question), and says they can do so by “completing his joy” and being of the same mind. This references back to what he rejoiced at in the prior chapter: Christ being proclaimed. He doesn’t want them to all be clones of each other. He wants to see their whole church grow to full maturity in Christ, and as an outgrowth of this for them to all be at peace with each other and obtain doctrinal harmony. From the perspective of the Jewish rabbinical tradition that Paul comes out of, he wants to see his own disciples mature to be like the rabbi Jesus that he has himself learned to be like and walk in the footsteps of.

Again, this is a mutual one another condition: both the teacher and the student are called to love one another as Christ loved us and be humble, not acting from conceit or rivalry. The overseer (be it pastor, employer, parent, or spouse) is to be looking out for the flock’s interests, not telling the flock not to look out for their own interests while the overseer looks out for their own interest, acts like they think you were put on this earth to worship/serve them, and conceitedly equates all of their beliefs with the mind of Christ everyone should have. These abusive overseers will point out Paul told his flock to imitate him, but Paul was imitating Jesus and they clearly are not.

Likewise, the spiritually abusive will tell you to count others more significant than yourself, while positioning themselves as being the most significant person in the church. Doing that evidences that they hypocritically count themselves as the most significant person in the church.

Keep watch and do not be deceived if you encounter these lies from the wolves in sheep’s clothing  who steal God’s sheep for themselves and devour their flock. If our churches, families, and para-church organizations are going to seek to obtain the goal of being one mind, we must all be seeking God’s mind. Those who would have you submit to them must prove they truly have the mind of Christ and indeed humbly count themselves least by being the servant of all rather than the controller of all. They must in their actions intimate Christ, who washed his disciples’ feet and gave even his literal life for those he would rule.

Posted in Abuse, Legalism, Prayer and Devotions

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Untwisting a Scripture Abusers Pervert

Posted on September 13, 2011 by Andrea Graham| Comments Off

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” (1 Peter 3:8)

Peter just finished advising employees (or the ancient equivalents) on how to conduct themselves with their employers, and wives and husbands on how to conduct themselves in the marriage relationship, so it’s possible “all of you” here means “all of the persons in the previous specified roles.” In other words, if you’re equally yoked in business*and marriage with a believer, both parties are exhorted to be of one mind equally, to have sympathy and brotherly love for each other, to be tender-hearted towards each other, and to be humble of mind in how they view and treat each other.

This is not a picture of submission-dominance at all. This is a picture of different roles and different functions, but equal power and equal respect for one another, working together, lifting each other up mutually, not one person crushing the other under their feet. Any man who tells you to submit to him while he uses you to wipe his feet is being a hypocrite and in trouble with God. Peter warns husbands in particular in verse seven that husbands who don’t treat their wives with the respect due a co-heir in Christ will find their prayers are hindered. So we know how Christians in authority treat the people that they are called to serve (not to oppressively rule over!) is a really serious matter to God.

Unity of mind likewise is often misused by spiritual abusers, who like to claim it gives them the right to be the group mind and to threaten with hell anyone in their “care” who dares to think differently than the spiritual abuser on any topic under the sun. Instead, consider Peter also requires humility, compassion, love from the leader as well as the follower. True godly unity of mind must require open, mutually respectful discourse between all parties and humbly and prayerfully seeking the mind of Christ together.

*Peter doesn’t specify instructions specifically to employers, but he does instruct all believers to honor all people, love their fellow Christian, and to live as people who are free rather than as slaves. It apparently did not need spelled out further to him that Christian employers should respect their Christian employees as their brothers in Christ and their fellow servants of God. Instead he focuses on the employees of non-Christian, abusive employers, in a day when you were under contract to work for him until he sold your contract.  His advice to do good and endure suffering in oppressive circumstances does not give the spiritually abusive the right to mistreat their fellow believers and turn around and demand their fellow believers endure it without complaint.

Posted in Abuse, Bible and Theology, Legalism, Prayer and Devotions

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Don’t Sell Yourself For Two Cents.

Posted on August 9, 2011 by Andrea Graham| Comments Off

“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” (Luke 12:6-7)

This is one of my favorite passages. Often in this world we can start to feel unimportant, insignificant. We may think our petty problems are too small for God to be concerned about in a world full of grave evils. If we suffered the abuse of neglect as children, we may think our human fathers couldn’t be bothered and didn’t watch out for us, so God won’t care enough to be there, either.

This tells us it is a lie. God is not like us–he sees everything and everyone and he cares about and forgets none. Not even the most insignificant thing escapes his notice–not a sparrow dies, not a single strand of your hair comes off in your comb, without God noticing. He has all of us counted that exactly.  Those who see this and care about the sparrow also do well. Those who remember we are worth far more than the sparrow and refrain from  saving the animals while neglecting the humans’ lives and well being do even better.

We must not forget that. God cares about the sparrow, but you are worth far more. You’re the one created in his image, you’re the one Christ died for. Do not sell cheap the treasure that God spent all that he had to redeem.

Lord, forgive us when we sell our selves short, whether by surrendering to sin, or giving into satanic lies that demean humanity and worship the creation, or even that misuse your word to beat us to a pulp and make us feel worthless. Remind us of the value you freely gave us at Calvary and at the Creation. Show us how we can best live before you as your priceless treasure. May we value  you as much as you have valued us and hold nothing back from you. In Jesus’ precious name we pray, amen.

Posted in Abuse, God's Character, God's love, Prayer and Devotions

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Don’t Let the Past Hinder Your Holy Race

Posted on July 28, 2011 by Andrea Graham| Comments Off

“I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:14)

In this verse, we have Paul pressing on, running the spiritual long distance race to the finish line, seeking a prize–being called upward by God via King Jesus. Upward where? Heaven, communion with God, but in context, more than that–perfection. He puts his past failures and past successes behind him and strains forward to the next step of spiritual growth, bit by bit more like Jesus with every step of the way. In verse fifteen, he tells us this is a fit attitude for the mature.

For many of us, the past, both the good and the bad, is a dead weight in this race. We’re too busy wallowing in our failures, or glorying in our successes, to dust ourselves off, pick ourselves back up, and get back (or keep on) running. What painful memories are holding us back today from growing? We need to examine what mental baggage we’ve got packed away and deal with it, hand it over to God, rather than stuffing it down out of sight. If it’s not hindering you, by all means, leave the past buried, but it if it is a dead weight, confront those old memories and cry it out before God, giving it over to him until it’s no longer burdening us.

So often we get tired and quit. It’s stressful and time-consuming. We need discernment whether we’re picking at old wounds and snatching dead weight back out of God’s hands, or uncovering a weight that’s been bogging us down without us consciously aware of it.

Lord, show us what, if anything, from our past is an emotional burden hindering us from moving forward in our walk with you and keeping us from growing and becoming more like you. Give us the strength, patience, and willingness to face the painful memories so we can hand them over to you and  properly put it behind us. Free us from all bondage. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.

Posted in Abuse, Bible and Theology, Lament, Prayer and Devotions, Sin and Holiness, Suffering

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Nail Pierced Hands, Wounded Side: This is Love.

Posted on April 6, 2011 by Andrea Graham| Comments Off

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.” (1 John 3:16)

What is love? John tells we learn what love is at the cross. Jesus and Paul both tell us that to love god and to love others fulfills all the laws and regulations handed down to us in the scriptures.  We love, John tells us elsewhere, because Christ first loved us. To love is to sacrifice and put others needs (not their wants) before our own. Scripture places the greatest burden here upon the leaders in our communities: fathers, husbands, pastors, employers, office holders on all levels. Those most likely to lord it over us and twist this scripture to demand others sacrifice themselves to meet their demands stand condemned before the cross, where the greatest of all became the servant of all and laid down his life.

We all stand equal before Christ, because all of us are equally compelled to lay down our lives and submit to one another in love. Let us emulate Christ, gentle readers, but also let us  also call those over us to account for their sin when they would wickedly crush under foot and devour the flock in the holy name of Christ, lest his name be blasphemed.

We thank you, Lord, for your salvation, and example, on the cross. We pray as leaders and as otherwise, we would emulate your example. Give us wisdom to choose, in every arena, leaders who love their people as you do. Grant us wisdom on when and how to lovingly hold to account leaders who blaspheme your name by actions that do not align with the law of love. Check us in our own spirits when we are not loving others as you first loved us. In Jesus’ precious name we pray, amen.

Posted in Abuse, Bible and Theology, God's love, Prayer and Devotions

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